How can you tell if somebody is attracted to you or interested in what you’re saying?
What does it mean if somebody touches their hair or their nose?
And how can making changes to your body language help you be who you really want to be in life?
When I picked up a book on Body Language in a local charity shop, my initial idea had been that it would make for a fun little article. While some of the illustrations in the 1970s book are indeed hilarious, it turns out that body language is actually far more important than I thought.
A basic understanding of the significance of body language, in fact, can be extremely useful in helping us understand other people better, gain more understanding of ourselves, and also to improve the success of our work, love and social lives as well.
In a minute I’ll give you a list of some fascinating specific body language gestures and signals that I’ve dug out of the internet and some books – including how to know whether somebody is lying or whether a member of the opposite sex is attracted to you!
Is our body language sometimes our own worse enemy?
For the moment, though, I wanted to run a few general ideas by you…
The first is that you probably have a pretty good idea about body language already – but at an instinctive level. If I asked you to imagine three different characters: an aggressive manager, a confident, friendly teacher and an anxious, nervous employee, for example, you’d probably be able to list some specific body language signs or behaviours to me straight away.
Does our body language always tell the truth? You’ve probably read the kind of figures that claim that as much as 90% of communication is made up of non-verbal communication such as body language, tone of voice, rhythm and speech patterns. It has been my experience, however, that a person’s general disposition and social persona in life can often mask more important and specific things they may be feeling at a certain time.
A person’s body or body language can keep them trapped in certain patterns of behaviour or roles in life.
So how, I put to you next, can we use an analysis of our own body language to good use?
Time to take control of the situation and use it to your favour
What, for example, does your body language and general comportment in the different situations in your life say to other people? What does it say about you? And does it actually accurately reflect a message that is TRUE about the person you are or would like to be in this situation?
Or how about other people? Is that finger-pointing boss really as nasty as she seems or is that just a way of acting she has developed in an attempt to deal with the world? Is the shy person who seems to turn away from company really longing for company? Does the person giving off an air of indifference truly feel indifferent inside?
The give-away signs and gestures that will enable you to read them like a book
But I am already getting into this far deeper than I had intended. So time for a few more fun specifics:
If you’re in a small gathering of people standing up, look down at everybody’s feet. While a person may be paying equal attention to others with their faces, their feet will betray who they would really most like to be talking to.
To give off a message of confidence or control over a situation, put your hands in a ‘steepling’ position. Hold your hands in front of you, elbows on the table if there is one, and touch the fingers and thumbs of the opposite hands together.
At work or in social situations, consider what kind of a message you would like to give to those around you and make sure your body language is expressing that. If you want to gain a higher position, for example, mimic the way people who are already there act. Think of the ways in which people walk, talk, sit and interact with others. Pay attention to the gestures and postures that different people assume and mimic the ones you think will be of benefit to you. This could even be as simple as walking around the office faster if you want to give the impression that you’re hard-working and busy.
Want to know if somebody of the opposite sex is attracted to you – or your spouse or best friend? The most obvious sign of attraction is preening. Both sexes play with their hair. Men tuck themselves in and pull their stomachs in! Women show their wrists. If you’re talking to somebody new, you’ll be able to tell if they’re warming up to liking you by how they are holding themselves, whether they’re legs are pointing towards you and also whether their hands are relaxed or clenched.
Think a person might not be telling the truth? Your suspicions can be confirmed if they’re touching their nose. If somebody is not being honest, they may also cough and make funny, contorted faces.
To create an impression of being confident and assertive but not aggressive, make sure you have an open posture with an upturned open face. Walk briskly with your head up, shoulders back. Even just the way a person holds their body can tell you so much about them.
If somebody is wringing their hands, it probably means they’re not feeling at all confident. Somebody playing with a ring or a tie is often a sign that they’re looking for reassurance.
The body language of sincerity is characterised by steady eye contact, relaxed but poised body posture, and leaning toward or reaching out toward the other person or people.
Don’t forget that the clothes you choose to wear are part of your body language too. They give a certain message about how you feel about yourself and how you want other people to react to you. Changing your choice of clothes, therefore, can often be a first step in changing your social being.
In a meeting or social situation: If somebody is looking at their watch then it’s an obvious sign that they’re conscious of the time. Subconscious touching of their watch, however, is also a less obvious give-away.
If somebody puts their hands over their mouth then it could well be a sign that they’re stifling a comment. If a person puts their hands over their eyes, the message may well translate as ‘I just can’t see what you’re saying’. Hands held palm up and open means they’re interested in what you’re saying. If their hands are down with palms away from you it could be a sign that they’re not. An inclined head is also a sign of interest.
So you see that body language can actually give us a lot of clues for understanding what people think and feel – and also how we all interact and play parts in different situations. In some circumstances it can even allow us to discover what others may actually prefer to hide from us!
Just a small amount of awareness of body language, in fact, can be a very useful tool for dealing with the challenges and opportunities that face us in life.
Why not try it out at the office party or at your next social gathering!